The Someone Within
by Muten Azuki
Summary: Tragic moments are found within, and Luffy learns just how much it cost to be a Captain.


**Dis Story is a collaboration between Muten Azuki and J.D Williams**. **Also visit the Cracktards account for other bootyful gems such as this. Onward, Shitheads!**

"Hey shitty-shit heads, guess what?" Sanji asked as he looked across the somewhat shitty floors of the going merry.

Luffy directed his orbs of shityness towards Sanji and opened his mouth, "Eegump!"

"…IT'S GROCERY DAY!" Sanji squeed as a gust of wind flew by and brushed his hair, "And you shit-heads know why I love grocery day, right?"

"Why Sanji?" kawaii tanuki chan doctor thing implored ever so kawaiishly.

"Cuz, I can woo fair maidens at the local grocery markets", Sanji replied looking like a dazed she male elf wearing bacon on face stuff.

"Oi, ero-cook we got duh womenz on this here ship already stoopid. Look at the prostituting women in our midst", Zoro informed Sanji as he referenced to the beautiful navigator and archeologist sun bathing topless on the deck of the going merry.

Nami jiggled her voluptuous tits through the air and winked in Sanji's general direction, "Eyyy sanji…why don't we go take a bath together."

"Stafoo! I only love women who are out of my league!" Sanji yelled as he pulled Luffy, Zoro, Usopp, and himself towards the ship's cannon.

"Are we going on an adventure?" Luffy asked as Sanji stuffed him into the cannon.

"Shut your shit-pipe you shit-head. We're going shopping."

"Where to?" Luffy asked while his orbs of shittyness sparkled in the air, causing all of the fangirls to fangasm.

"Shit-mart!1!" Sanji lit the cannon and watched as Luffy's body flew through the atmosphere.

"...", Luffy screamed in ecstasy as he was lunched several thousand feet through the air, "this reminds me of when Grandpa used to slap me around all the time. He was such a loving grandfather."

"Oi, Marimo follow me to shit-mart so we can purchase ingredients of smexiness and possibly get laid", Sanji screamed at Zoro as he slapped himself in the face with a rotten fish.

"I ain't following you anywhere pansy cook", drawled Zoro, "you don't even have an idea what direction you're going, and I'm the master of directions."

"Oohahuhahuha!" Ussop laughed in his 4-kids laugh…or whatever it's supposed to be, "There is no one better with directions than I, SOGEK…CAPTIAN MANSOPP!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever captain shitsopp." Sanji said as he launched Zoro and Usopp into the air, "Now…who's going to launch me?"

"Yohohohohoh! I'll do it," brook yohohoho'd, "If you let me see your panties."

So brook launched Sanji off towards shit-mart after staring at Sanji's collection of panties.

They all arrived at shit-mart accordingly.

"I hope they have meat at this place or I'm going to rage and stuff, I may set my shorts on fire in rebellion", Luffy told Captain Mansopp.

"Do you want me to set your shorts on fire Luffy?"

"Sure Mansopp."

"AIEEEEEEEEEEEE", screamed a little girl as she viewed the burning shorts and the ecstatic Luffy.

"Wow, I have a fire in my pants," Luffy exclaimed.

"Touché", retorted Sanji. "Can we go in the store already, its cold out here."

"Sure, but I get to ride in the booster seat", said Zoro.

"Hey, no fair Zoro", I wannna ride in the booster seat," whined Luffy with baby like huge chocolate ice cream orbs.

"Whatever, get over it", replied Zoro as he crammed himself in the booster seat, his swords sticking out awkwardly.

A mother and her young daughter chuckled to themselves as they witnessed the 19 year old male cram himself into the small seat.

Captain Mansopp snickered, "I'd love to see this as a colorwalk…"

"Fine then…I get to push it!" Luffy yelled while reaching his fist towards the air.

"No way, shit for brains, you don't get tah push nuthin'," Sanji said as he shoved Luffy to the side.

"Not even Ace's poo?"

"…" everyone ellipsised.

"I'm not implying that I'm gay or anything…forget I said anything."

So they did.

Sanji pushed the cart into the door when a loud gurgling noise was heard, "Oh shit! This always happens when I go to shit-mart! It's all your fault marishitmo!"

"Uhh!" Zoro grunted in epique manliness as a very musky scent escaped his body.

"What's wrong?" Captain Mansopp asked as Sanji threw the basket over, with Zoro still in the seat.

"I gotta take a massive crap!"

"Enump?" Luffy…enumped, "What'd you say?"

"…I gotta take a crap?"

Captain Mansopp immediately began to run around, knocking the old man greeter person over, "IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD! HE DIDN'T SAY SHIT!"

"You morons are so immature. Like I'd refer to fecal matter in such a childish manner." Sanji stated as a beautiful woman strolled by, "Anyways, I'm going to be in there for a while, so here's the list. I'm putting you in charge Usopp."

"Go **** yourself!" Luffy said to the girl-scout outside of the shit-mart, "I ain't paying 5 dollars for some artificially flavoured meat-cookies!"

"Wahhh, why are you so mean to me mister", screamed the little girl who was none other than Vivi.

"Cause' your Vivi. Do I really need a reason?" replied Luffy rudely as he punched Vivi in the nose and stole her cookies.

"Luffy , get over here and stop harassing the civilians", hollered Mansopp as he bended over to pick up a grocery list he just dropped.

"…snicker..." exclaimed Usopp as he picked up the grocery list. "Guess what Zoro?"

"zzz...", asked Zoro.

"I farted", replied Usopp proudly.

Just then:

"EWWWWW….it smell like stinky butt juice over here", screamed Luffy, "Usopp, did you cut the stinky cheese?"

"NEVAH", replied Captain Mansopp majestically. "It is impossible for Captain Usopp to emit such gaseous fumes from his anal sphincter. It was none other than Zoro who emitted that toxic sin, Luffy", lied Mansopp.

"Really Zoro, was it you", asked Luffy.

"…zzz…" replied Zoro.

"Ennn…anyways, we should start harvesting our foodz," Luffy said as he grabbed the basket, with Zoro still sitting in it, "Let's go this way first!"

Mansopp blocked Luffy's path, "Whoa whoa whoa! I'm in charge here!"

"Actually, I'm Luffy, and therefore, I'm in charge," Luffy said as he pushed the basket forward, over the old man greeter person who was still on the floor, "So I say we go this way! What do you think Zoro."

"Live without regrets, or else you aren't living at all," Zoro said as he pulled out a barrel of grog and began to consume it, "Burp. Go that way."

"Meh, whatever," Mansopp said as he walked with the other two stooges towards the frozen foods aisle.

An elderly lady was in the middle of picking up some frozen pizzas. "Hey guys, watch this."

Usopp walked by the woman while letting out a very smelly fart. But since he was mansopp, he could make it silent.

"HAHAHAH! That was hilarious! My turn!" Luffy walked towards the woman who was in the process of waving the stench away from her face. "Hey, um excuse me."

The old lady turned towards luffy, "Can I help you sonny?"

Luffy pulled his pants down and proceeded to piss on the old woman.

"HAHAHAHAH! HE PISSED ON HER!" Mansopp laughed as luffy ran back grinning, "Your turn Zoro, don't let us down!"

"AH!" Zoro said in an agreeable tone of manliness. He walked towards the old woman. And proceeded to kick the living shit out of her.

"Ummm…we should probably get going," Mansopp said as luffy began to pull Zoro off of the old woman.

"Yah, wouldn't want people to think were ruffians…or worse…PIRATES!," pondered Luffy aloud.

"Whats first on the list Usopp", asked Zoro.

"umm…looks like pie crust, Zoro", replied Usopp as he flipped though the grocery list Sanji had so carefully prepared hours before.

"Hey, Usopp, look at this", Luffy yelled as he waved a small box in Usopp's face. "What is this thing?"

"Um…that's a douche Luffy", replied Captain Mansopp bashfully.

"Whats a douche, Usopp", asked Luffy innocently as he began to pick his nose.

"Well you know it's what a woman uses when she wants to be like fresh down there and stuff," informed Usopp quietly as he did not want the whole of Shit-Mart to know what the two pirates were conversing over.

"Oh, I get it" yelled Luffy at the top of his lungs, "that's what Nami and Robin use for their stank-boxes!"

"Ah"

"Shshshshsh! Quiet down you two!" Usopp shushed his two cohorts.

"…why?" Luffy asked, "All I said was stank-box. You know. It's, like, a vagina. Gosh Usopp, stop acting so childishly."

"Luffy, Is that you?" A supid-faced moron with pink hair said as he dropped his basket.

"Oh, mother of Enel! It's…who is that?" Luffy looked closely, and pulled out his glasses, which he shoved on his face, "…Coby? Guys, shut up, if we're quiet enough, he might leave. Don't make any sudden moves!"

"What's so bad about this guy?"

"It is you luffy!" Coby said as he walked towards the group, with his arms dangling in a position which is usually seen on a tyrannosaurus rex.

"Zoro, do something!" Luffy said as he hid behind Mansopp.

Zoro hopped out of the basket and threw the corpse of the old lady at Coby. The group then fled towards the opposite side of the building.

"Free samples?" A weird…Okama said while showing off his wieners.

"Sure, I'll take one", said Usopp as he was handed a strange looking weiner.

"And I'll take em all", exclaimed Luffy as he greedily proceed to shove the contents of the sample bowl down his throat.

"Oh no my Candy", hollered the Okama " you are only supposed to eat one sample at a time or you will experience an influx of hormones like you've never experienced before.

"Yeah, whatever", replied Luffy as he proceeded to grow boobs and his hips extended past their normal radius.

"Look, I'm hot", said Luffy as he looked down at his new and improved female body.

"Wow Luffy, you look great" replied Coby as he checked out Luffy up and down. "I would so bang ya".

"Lol, whut, WTF Coby", asked Luffy. "I'm not into fairys. My one true love is meat."

_**Will Luffy ever love anything other than meat? Will Mansopp continue to emit gaseous fumes? Will Zoro be arrested for assaulting the elderly? Will Sanji's bowels empty themselves in between part one and part two? And will Vivi ever gain any fans? Find out next time, on:**_

_**A Face Full of Shit in the Shitty-Shit Mart.**_

_**Until then true believers, and remember. Same shitty time, same shitty place.**_


End file.
